5 Reasons Why He Won’t Marry You

You’re getting tired of him waiting to be his wife, maybe he’s scared to pop the question?

-Marcelina Hardy

You’ve been his girlfriend long enough and you’re ready to become his wife. The only problem is that he won’t ask you to marry him. Understanding why he won’t gets under your skin as much as you asking him why he won’t gets under his.

When you’re ready to take this next step in the relationship but he seems to take his old sweet time in the process, several reasons may be holding him back. The good news is that you can do something about it, so not all hope is lost.

Reason Number 1: Commitment Phobia

While he was okay with calling you his girlfriend, taking it to the next level of marriage is a whole other story for him. With marriage, it’s forever, and he may be scared of that. It’s the final commitment.

Does it mean he doesn’t love you enough to know he wants to be with you forever? Probably not. He’s just afraid that he may change his mind someday.

Have you thought about that yourself? That maybe someday you may wake up and think, “Gosh, I don’t like him anymore, I’ve made a mistake.

Want to know a secret though? It does happen. Couples work through it all the time because they know that at one time their love for each other was strong. Through commitment and rebuilding their marriage, their love reappears in a new but familiar way.

So how do you help your man with this issue? Talk to him. Ask him how he is feeling and what part of marriage and the commitment of it scares him. Is it this exact situation that makes him hesitate? Show him that you are committed to the love you share and with that commitment and devotion to each other, those times will be overcome.

Reason Number  2: Loss of Independence

Many men who are afraid of making the leap towards matrimony have an inaccurate image of marriage. They pick it up either from television, their parents or from friends’ parents. They’ve seen husbands’ being controlled by their wives and looking depressed because of it.

As you know, no one wants to be in a marriage where one person controls the other. Marriage is a partnership and couples should always remember that when they make that step into it.

You can help your boyfriend by telling him some of your dreams and hopes of what you believe marriage will be like with him. Nothing pushy here but just for the fun of it will get him thinking about it too and will help him see that you may not be like wives that he has witnessed in the past.

Read 5 Reasons Why Your Guy Won’t Commit

Reason Number 3: Afraid of Divorce

With the divorce rate in the United States at 50% and increasing, this fear is rational. He’s probably experienced divorce in his life and knows how devastating it is for everyone involved.

Communication is important in a healthy relationship. Whenever there is anything you believe is upsetting your boyfriend it’s good to talk it out with him.

Talk to him about what part of divorce bothers him. Does he feel that his parents or people in general don’t give working on marriage enough of a shot before throwing in the towel? Does he believe that divorce is inevitable in marriage? It’s important to talk to him to see what he believes about divorce and marriage so you know if he even plans to get married someday.

If he doesn’t plan to get married, this is something you’ll have to then cope with and decide if you want to move on from in your life.

Reason Number 4: Not Ready

People develop essential qualities to make them ready for the stage of marriage at different times. You may have developed all those qualities within a year, while it may take two or three for him. Note that it often takes men longer than women to reach the commitment level for marriage.

Knowing what to do with this situation is difficult. Waiting for someone who may or may not want to marry you can seem like a gamble. Such is the game of love though. You’ll need to decide if he is worth the wait.

After you are ready to marry him, you’ll have to look out for the signs that you arne’t wasting your time. You’ll have to ask if he has intentions on marrying, then as you move further into the relationship, if he can see marrying you someday and then further along if he wants to marry you. If he doesn’t say a word about marriage and just ignores your mentions of it, you may want to consider ending the relationship.

Reason  Number 5: He Just Doesn’t Want To

He’s fine with things as they are right now and he doesn’t want that to change. He believes that marriage will change everything and he is not willing to do that. He knows that you won’t stay with him if he tells you that , so when you ask him about it, he just smiles and says, “Oh, it’ll be when you least expect it.” yet that’s been the case for the last two years.

It’s time for the ultimatum. You can either pop the question yourself or just say, “We either get engaged now or we break up.”

Just be prepared for what happens next. Either this could be the end of your relationship or it could push him to marry you because he really doesn’t want to lose you. What you will get is an answer to the limbo you’ve been in for way too long.

 Marcelina Hardy is a relationship coach and freelance writer, who helps individuals solve relationship problems and improve their relationships.